Monday, November 21, 2005


Drugs and me.

My first drug-experience was when I was aged sixteen and suffering from Crohn's disease. In the early stages of this disease (an inflammation of the colon) you develop fissures (small cracks) in your rectum. Quite painful.
Sitting in school every day feeling like I had a hot poker up my ass, I remember vividly one evening when I got the bright idea of dropping a couple of pain killers. After some twenty minutes of anxious waiting, I was there: Relief! Not only did the pain suddently disappear, I also felt so relaxed, and a feeling of blissful tranquility fell upon me.

Relaxed and free of pain = Happiness.

After that experience I would start every day by dropping a couple of the magic pills and head off to school with the words of our good family doctor in my ears: "I can't find anything wrong with you, don't you think you're just being fussy?",
Well, Crohn's disease has a reputaton for being hard to diagnose.

About six months later I was seriously ill, had lost forty pounds and was hospitalized and later operated on (four times)
For some days after each operation I received the synthetic morphine derivate Ketogan

Now you're talking! - lying there in my hospital bed with the pain slowly beginning to emerge, a cute young nurse would enter, flip over my blanket and squeeze a needle in my thigh, containing: Liquid sunlight! - as the Ketogan began to flow through my veins it simply felt as if someone was pouring honey-coated sunshine into them.
Problem was that Ketogan also contained the same addiction creating capabilities as morphine, and some of the other patients at the ward had to spend a couple of extra weeks in the hospital just to get rid of the addiction before they could go home.

Fortunately, I was never "hooked", but I can still remember that feeling, a bit like lying outside sun bathing in summer and a cloud covers the sun, but slowly it moves away again and you can feel how the warmth of the sun is creeping from your toes and all the way up.

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